My focus for the story and the film was to be on the relationship between the two travellers. It shows how we sum up people when we travel next to them on trains, wondering about what they do, what they are like and so forth. In this film, the more the victim observes the cannibal the more wary he is getting until he is really quite scared of him and his intentions.
For the ending I wanted it to be enigmatic, hence the empty carriage. But if it's empty, who pulled the alarm?!
I also had the idea that the whole thing wasn't real but was actually in the imagination of the man on the balcony smoking a cigarette. The backstory being that the smoking man lives alone and is housebound, and he watches the trains go by and makes up stories in his head about the people on the trains, their lives and what might happen on the journey. To show this I put in the double ending, reverting back to the man smoking on the balcony.
Feedback from Screening
Incorrect ratio:
In preparing for the screening we were impetuous and incorrectly exported the file in the wrong ratio. This was a simple oversight and I will make sure that that doesn't happen again.
Good montage start:
However escalators went on a little too long and the man in red pushing the trolley should have been cut as he was distracting. I agree with this. I must admit that I didn't even consider the man in red on the small screens in Final Cut pro but seeing it on the big screen it was distracting.
Lose the voice over lines "Something doing" and "That settled everything":
Not necessary. I agree.
Rearrange the level crossing warning lights to before the line "You have given me fair warning":
Not entirely sure that I agree with Chris about switching them round but I am happy to try it and see if it works better.
Chris said that he liked the ending with the empty carriage but not the double ending:
I thought the double ending was a nice 'Keyser Söze, Usual Suspects' moment. But watching it back on the big screen I think that Chris was right. Short films should have a definite stop.
Sound levels on effects:
Chris said that the sound levels were "all over the place". This is a fair comment. Ideally I should have watched the film on the big screen and noted how the sound levels came across. I now know to do this in future.
I am really pleased with the feedback from Chris for this film. I agree with most of his points and, once I'd seen it on the big screen in that environment, I knew what had worked well and what I would like to change.
nb, There was too many cut aways to ext train shots, as I thought, and the 'guard in corridor' cut away stood out like a saw thumb. That must go. Using the full shot of the guard coming into the carriage would work so much better on it's own.
Feedback from Other Films Presented by the Group for Screening
These were some notes from Chris's feedback, and from my own observations that I made that I thought were useful:
The whispered line "I don't want to die" worked well as an ending.
Cannibal explaining "Legs... arms.. head" was accompanied by the close ups of the victim's shoes, newspaper and the skulls rolling at his feet. This worked really well and was quite amusing.
Don't end with the same shot as the opening shot.
I liked the visuals of the man on the balcony being accompanied with the line about "cubicles".
The flashes that one group used, along with the raw footage and camera flashes in the rushes worked really well. That was contemporary and interesting to watch.
One group showed a rewind of the footage during the film, that was clever. I liked that.
Chris talked about Dead Air, a radio term for when nothing is happening. In Night Journey the pan between the victim's reflection in the carriage window and him sitting n his seat was 'dead air'.
Voice over of thoughts while showing lots of external views from train window was nice and contemplative.
I have learned a lot from this project. I have learned from the feedback comments above and also, throughout the project, I have gotten to grips with using Final Cut Pro again. I did need to check out some things during the process by going onto YouTube and watching some online tutorials, particularly with regards to treating the sound files, but even that was fun to do and interesting.
Overall I think I did a good job, enjoyed myself and learned a lot.
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